Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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