I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
