Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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