Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
