it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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