Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
