ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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