oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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