Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
