I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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