one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
