There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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