my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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