Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
