my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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