Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
