I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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