you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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