she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
