I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
