Got a toothbrush?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
