UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
