Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
