I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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