You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
