Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize