I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hippo gnu deer
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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