my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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