Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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