I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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