I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
