omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
