I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
