Welp...herpes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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