I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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