i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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