singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
