this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
