My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
