what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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