I could make wine with my vomit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
