Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
