He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
