I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
