I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
