there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sarcasm needs its own font
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
