The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
