Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
