i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
