I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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