so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
