where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hippo gnu deer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
