WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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