its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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