lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
honey bunches of taint.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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