Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
