It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
