did you get engaged???
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
