I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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