I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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