do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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