Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
