I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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