just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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