I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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