Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
