Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
