Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
