:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
