Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
