but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
