I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
