Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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