There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
